Unsurprisingly, when you’re a welsh girl living in Spain, you have to travel by plane (unless you want a 16-hour drive). I have calculated that since being abroad I have been on 15 flights, which is more than double the amount of flights I have been on in my previous 20 years of being alive. One could say I have too much free time.
As a result, like in the Zumba classroom, I have indeed become a regular. So, here’s another list. I present to you: The Seven Deadly Aeroplane Stereotypes.
- The Personal Space Invader
This is not the good kind of space invader that provides hours of gameplay and joy. Different species include the lap dancer, who doesn’t seem to want to wait for you to get out before bum shuffling over you to the window seat; the armrest hogger, who seems to think that no one else has arms; and the classic man-spreader, who seems to be spreading across all types of transport.
2. The Rustler
Imagine the situation. You’re sat in your seat, and you feel a peculiar sensation in your back. It’s digging into you, and you think it’s a child. After about 15 minutes (confronting people is scary), you go to make some awkward eye contact to find it’s actually a 30-year-old woman who’s constantly looking for something in her seat pocket. Maybe if she looked for some respect for the person in front of her, life would be a little easier.
3. The School Trip aka the Hype Express
They’re all on a mad one, and as a result everyone else is on a mad one, but somehow not exactly on the same page as the lads on tour. No matter how loud you turn up your music, you can still hear them. It’s like their sucking the excitement out of you. If they wanted to jump on the hype express they should have caught a train.
4. The Fresh Meat
Being on a plane is a whole new world for these innocent flowers. They hold hands when the plane takes off like that iconic scene in Toy Story 3, and they take pictures constantly for their Instagram as If Easyjet will sponsor their next flight (I’m still waiting for mine). We’ve all been there.
5. The Sleeper
You won’t hear a wink from them, and this can be a blessing or a curse. Are they actually sleeping? Who knows, but if they’re faking it like someone did on my flight to Malaga, you’d better hope you have a strong bladder. It was a trying time.
6. The One Who Just Wants to Break Free
This person seems to think that the safety rules are for everyone except them. This wild species will be located in the aisle rustling in the overhead locker like our number 2 friend, but they won’t have their seatbelt on. What a hard-core rebel, an edgy teen fresh out of 2010 might say.
7. The Frequent Flyer
The one who has had one flight too many. The one who travels through security with ease, and everyone thinks they have their life together, until they sit down and have to endure the trials and tribulations of all the other passengers, for the millionth time.
Bring on my next flight, or something like that.